Jordan
by Madd Madds
Summary: Jordan knows that she is going to die. She knows it the moment she is born. All things die in the end. She knows that one day her life will end; she knows her destiny. But she also knows that there are ways to cheat death. But she never thought she would get the chance to. Rated T for safety.


Jordan 

/\/\/\/\

Jordan knows that she is going to die. She knows it the moment she is born. All things die in the end. She knows that one day her life will end; she knows her destiny. But she also knows that there are ways to cheat death, ways to flirt with the Reaper and then slip oh so gently through his fingers. Time Lords do it all the time. But Jordan is no Time Lord. Jordan is human, as flawed and as perfect as the rest of her brilliant race, so she hopes for a good death, 'a meaningful death', a worthwhile death. She never thought she would get the chance to cheat.

/\/\/\/\

When Jordan throws herself at Tory, knocking her out of the line of fire, she knows that there is no way for her to avoid the Dalek ray. It is too fast and she is too slow. Jordan is only human. The next thing she registers is a stabbing, burning, pain and then…nothing.

Blackness.

Void.

If this is the next life, then Jordan's been swindled.

/\/\/\/\

Time passes slowly in The Great Void, marked only by a double beat that sometimes reminds Jordan of a heartbeat. A long, long, time passes her by.

/\/\/\/\

At some point Jordan works out that she isn't really dead. She starts to think that she's in limbo, waiting for judgement on whether her life was pure and good enough to earn her eternal rest. That's when Jordan remembers that she doesn't believe in God. She never did.

/\/\/\/\

Jordan dreams sometimes. Her dreams are heart-breaking to her. She watches as the broken soul that was once her dearest friend, her sister, who runs from everything and everyone. But Jordan can't remember her name any longer. The more time she remains in the void the less of her there is.

Eventually, there will be nothing left at all.

/\/\/\/\

There are times when Jordan forgets her own name.

/\/\/\/\

Jordan is slower to react now, to her thoughts, to her forgetting. Nothing seems to matter. She is corroding. There is a glitch in her program.

Maybe she won't get to cheat death after all.

/\/\/\/\

For a glorious moment Jordan remembers everything. She helps Tory and that's all that matters, she starts the healing process on that broken soul. But then she's all alone once more and she forgets. She forgets her name, her wants, her fears. Everything. Jordan is fading.

/\/\/\/\

Jordan wakes up in a field of green grass. She is sitting on a checked blanket and finger foods are within her easy reach. There is a woman beside her, thin and a brunette. Jordan knows this woman…. does she? She can't remember…

"Jordan." The woman sounds so relieved. "I knew I could make the ring work again!" she grins proudly and stares at Jordan, expectant.

Jordan stares back blankly.

The woman's face falls.

"Jordan?" there is trepidation in her voice this time, hope mixed with despair. "Jordan, do you know who I am?"

 _Yes._ "No."

The woman sucks a deep breath through her nose and closes her eyes, like she's in pain.

"Ah. Well." She pauses, unsure where to go from here. "I should have expected…I was foolish to think…" she trails off.

"Who are you?" Jordan questions.

"No one important." The woman answers and Jordan knows it's a lie. "I wanted to help." The woman continues. "You're dead, you see." The words are said bluntly and callously but the woman flinches as if her own words caused her pain.

"I know." Jordan says simply.

"You…do?"

"I was shot." The moment the words leave Jordan's mouth she feels a gaping, burning hole in her chest. She looks down. Her chest is whole. But she can't shake off the feeling.

"You died." The woman repeats. "But you were wearing a ring, a very rare piece of technology, at the time. It saved a copy of you within its memory." For some reason Jordan looks down at her hand. A ring is resting there, a large gaudy flat emerald-like piece with a gold pattern that almost looks like the gears of a clock. "But the device was old, damaged." The woman looks so very, very sad. "It's failing. You are being erased."

Jordan knows that she should feel alarmed at this, scared, terrified even, but all she feels is calmness and relief. She is at peace with death. She died long ago, the reaper was just a little slow at catching up to her.

"The damage means that you can't be brought back, the original purpose of the device, but I can transfer you. Place you into another system, you'd live within an artificial world but…" the woman takes a deep breath, looking at Jordan with hope filled eyes. "…you'd be alive."

Jordan stares at the woman, her face a blank mask. Her eyes make a slow blink. Did she want to live like this? Forever? Her own name was something elusive and hard to grasp, why would she want to continue this way? Jordan wasn't alive anymore, this wasn't even a half-life.

Jordan had always hated cheating.

"No." the word is quiet but resolute; Jordan, what is left of her, has made her choice.

The woman lets out a near silent sob.

"I should have known." She forces a chuckle through her tears. She stands. The woman takes one last, long, look at Jordan, like she's trying to imprint the image of her into memory. "I'll miss you." She says with a sad smile and tears rolling silently down her cheeks.

Jordan doesn't respond.

The woman nods, just the once, and then turns away.

"Who are you?" Jordan asks again; she can feel a name on the edge of her mind, a wealth of emotion and need but it fades away and she…she forgets.

"No one important." The woman repeats and Jordan still knows that it's a lie. "But you, you were so important to me, Jordan Mason, you were my sister in all but blood."

"You shouldn't feel guilty." Jordan doesn't know why the words leave her mouth but they feel right. "I made my choice. MY choice."

"I wish you hadn't." the woman sighs, still facing away. "But I could never stop you from doing what you felt was right, even if it meant jumping in front of a blast meant for m…someone else."

"That sounds like a good death." Jordan offers, unsure why she is trying to comfort the other.

"It's the way you would have wanted to go, one last blaze of glory, saving someone else."

"A good death." Jordan repeats.

"Yeah." The woman agrees. She sighs one last time and then walks away, fading out of Jordan's sight in moments.

/\/\/\/\

Jordan was once human, she had her flaws and her good points, just like any human. She had once hoped for a good death, a meaningful death, a worthwhile death. She never thought she would get a chance to cheat death. But Jordan had always hated cheating.


End file.
